I can’t really think of a good story about my past conflicts so I have created a scenario for everyone to ponder about.
John is an only child and as a result was quite pampered by his parents. This has somewhat led to the development of a slightly self-centered nature and he tended to take his parents for granted, although he still loved them dearly and is a good-natured boy at heart. At the same time, John’s father was slightly over-protective of his son because that was the only way he knew how to show that he cared for John. He would be overly worried for John whenever he read about some new virus infecting certain Singaporeans near Little India or warn him not to go to Pasir Ris park because a crocodile was just discovered there. He would also constantly remind John to be careful when crossing the road even though he was already over 20 years old.
All these reminders came across as nagging to John and he could not help but feel that his father does not even have the confidence in his son to already know all these simple things, making this a sore spot for John. Ultimately, on one day when John was already stressed about his exams, his father started warning him about another of his unreasonable fears, causing John to totally lose his patience and snap at his father saying,’ I know! I know! Will you just stop nagging me?’
His father did not reply and just walked away. John could clearly see that he was hurt but he still felt that he had the right to lose his temper as it was necessary to stop his father from continuing to nag.
Was John’s reaction reasonable? Was there a better method that John could have used to bring his point across?
Some Photos..
Kittens at beach resort in Perhentien
Fruits that look fake and cost a bomb in Japan
Deers in Nara Park, Japan
Multipitching in Malaysia
Batu Caves with TJC
About Me
- Matthew
- I'm a year 3 Life Science student and I love rock-climbing, playing games and mugging for exams. I also love my parents, my pet cat and the environment. I hope everyone will learn to appreciate the simple things in life and never look back in regret.
5 comments:
Hi Matthew, I know of a friend's Mum who is just like John's Dad. My friend keeps complaining to me and I understand that sometimes it can quite annoying. I always just tell my friend to control his temper as his Mum means well. Easier said then done I know. Perhaps it would be good if John could sit down and talk to his Dad about it, and convince his Dad that he is old and matured enough to care for himself,proving with actions, of course, rather than just bear with all the nagging. This would only cause the annoyance to escalate and see him losing his temper as a result- which he did! This probably hurt his Dad alot. He really should have talked to his Dad long ago! If not his Dad, at least his Mum! But well, whats done cannot be undone, so I guess the next best thing John can do now is to apologise to his Dad.
Personally, I strongly believe in respect for our seniors and elderlies. Therefore, I think it is rude for any child to yell at his/her parents regardless of the reasons. Even if John was stressed up with exams, it is not enough to justify his actions towards his dad. If I were in his Dad's position, I would have been deeply hurt.
I feel that no matter how old we are, our parents will still be concerned and protective of us. Perhaps over time, when we have proven that we can take care of ourselves, they will loosen their grip on us and worry less. One good way to prove ourselves worthy of their trust is to be responsible for our own actions. However, there is only so much John can do to prove himself. Next step in this conflict would be for John's parents to understand how John feels and also reflect upon their child's need as he grows up.
Like what Joyce has suggested, I believe the best solution would be for John to have a good talk with his Dad. The issue could be discussed during breakfast on a Sunday morning when the mood is light. It should be a casual discussion, otherwise it might appear as a confrontation.
As with all communication situations and conflicts, it takes two to clap. =)
Hi Matthew, I guess this situation sounds all to familiar to all of us. It's just a matter of the extent of the situation. John obviously knows his Dad's intentions but like many times, we often allow our emotions to get the better of us. John defintley could have found a better way to handle this situation. He could probably answer in a more pleasant tone and voice his concerns at the same time. Someone once told me, no matter how old you are, your parents will always regard you as a child. They will always fear for your safety, well-being and etc. This again, is where effective communication comes to play. If both John and his Dad could regularly come together to talk and update each other about their lives and more importantly, being open and honest about their feelings, it could have minismised the chances of such conflicts from happening.
As for the present situation, John should really apologise to his Dad and probably explain what caused him to react this way. As such, his dad would also get a better understand of what is going on in John's mind. Just imgaine, if he felt bad but kept quiet, his Dad probably felt that John has gone astray and etc. Which, might lead to his dad being more afraid and concerned, which might make him nag more and spark this vicious cycle. This is why communication is so important.
Hi, Matthew. Firstly, I would like to comment that your portrayal of John's dad as an over-protective and paranoid father is a little scary for me. haha. But I'm sure such father exists. (luckily, not my dad. He's the total opposite) In this case, the conflict is definitely not inflicted overnight but through the years of paranoia and lack of communication. Within our family, we tend to accept things the way they are and often think that there's no point in changing anything because they can't be changed. I believe that is why family conflicts often happen more frequently than conflicts that occur outside of the family unit. I think that John's dad is being over-protective because he fears for his son and think that John is still not mature enough to take care of himself. Therefore, if John could show maturity on his side or reassure his dad that he is big enough to take care of himself, his dad would feel a sense of security and probably let loose the leash a little. Like mentioned in the book ,'life of pi', humans can be trained to get used to anything (in the book, it was killing. kind of scary to think of it). Therefore, John's dad just need to get used to the fact that John is no longer a little boy and a man needs to be thrown into the jungle (concrete jungle in our case)to strengthen himself. Hopefully, there will be a happy ending to your story! =)
Hi Matthew,
Apologise. That's the first thing I would do. I guess there will be times where we vent out our frustration or express ourselves wrongly. If he truly did not intent to do it, then he should approach his dad to clarify. In this case, it is most likely for his dad to approach him regarding this issue. So John should be taking the initiative to explain himself.
Constant communication helps. There must be continual effort to build on the relationship through regular chatting sessions so that it becomes easier to approach each other in this kind of situation.
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